TOP TEN – (The Top Ten Actions That Will Destroy Church Growth)

10. [ASSUME EVERYTHING] – First, assume that every job that needs to get done in ministry is being done by someone else.  Second, assume that you don’t matter in the body of Christ – so if you are not there it is no big deal.  Third, assume the worst about other people instead of the best – this is a sure way to keep your church from any spiritual growth. 

9. [JUST ENOUGH] – Do just enough to be able to cross “did church” off your list of things to do in your week.  Don’t volunteer for anything; don’t attend any prayer meetings, fellowships or activities; don’t get to know anyone; don’t introduce yourself to anyone you don’t know; and never smile – do just enough. 

8. [COME LATE, LEAVE EARLY] – When you do decide to go to church always show up late – that way you don’t have to feel obligated to talk to anyone.  Always stay up really late on Saturday night so you have a difficult time getting up in time for church.  Once in the service prepare for departure as soon as possible by gathering up all your belongings a few minutes before the closing prayer that way when you hear the final “AMEN” you can bolt out the door avoiding any unwelcome good-bye hugs or handshakes.  This is a surefire way of keeping your church from gaining any spiritual ground. 

7. [GETTING, NOT GIVING] – Go to church with only yourself in mind every Sunday.  Use the phrase “I didn’t get anything out of that!” as often as you can.  Look as bored as possible when you don’t feel entertained or amused.  Never go to church with a giving attitude.  Never give warm welcomes, hugs, or handshakes.  Never ask God where you can involve yourself in helping others.  Constantly ask yourself the question, “Why am I here again?”  These are proven ways of keeping your church from growing. 

6. [I HATE KIDS] – Develop an anti-children attitude.  If at all possible discourage young parents from feeling comfortable in your church by giving them dirty looks every time their child makes a sound that you deem inappropriate.  If you do have kids in your church constantly tell them not to run, skip, jump, play, yell, play games or anything else that you can think of that a child might enjoy doing.  Never foster the imagination of children – this will only encourage them to show up again.  Never smile at a child.  If you are forced to look at a child always look cantankerous and skeptical of their “real” motives.  Children bring with them life and where there is life there is the possibility of growth so discourage the idea of a child-friendly church at any cost. 

5. [NOT ME] – Never, and I mean never, commit to anything!  Never sign up for anything that would require any kind of obligation.  It is safer to have a foot-loose and fancy free attitude when it comes to service.  Tell people that you are too busy to commit to anything.  Use the phrase “I like to keep my options open” because that gives a semblance of wanting to serve without really committing to anything.  When the church leaders ask for help never make yourself visible – stare at the floor or better yet escape to the bathroom! 

4. [ME FIRST] – Choose to put your own desires over God’s desires for you.  If you would rather go fishing on Sunday then go fishing; if you just need a “Me” day then be sure to take it on a Sunday.  Give God your leftovers that way you never have to sacrifice anything for Him.  Take your cut of your time, money and energy first and then if there is anything left give some to God – but don’t get carried away.  Only serve God when it is easy, convenient and costs nothing.  A God-first heart is ripe for growth so make sure you always put yourself first. 

3. [YOU KNOW WHAT I HEARD?] – Gossip, not just a little, but as often as possible.  Talk about people and their problems – make stuff up if you have to, at least exaggerate.  There is a proverb that tells the story of a person who repeated gossip – some rumor about a neighbor. Soon, the whole community had heard the rumor. Later, the person who spread the gossip learned that the rumor was untrue. The person was very sorry and went to an elder in the community who had a reputation for great wisdom to seek advice. The elder told the person, “Go to your home and take a feather pillow outside. Rip it open and scatter the feathers, then return to me tomorrow.” The person did as the elder had instructed. The next day, the person visited the elder. The elder said, “Go and collect the feathers you scattered yesterday and bring them back to me.” The person went home and searched for the feathers, but the wind had carried them all away. The person returned to the elder and said, “I could find none of the feathers I scattered yesterday.” “You see,” said the elder, “it’s easy to scatter the feathers but impossible to get them back.” So it is with gossip; it doesn’t take much to spread hurtful words, but once you do, you can never completely undo the damage.  TOTALLY NOT TRUE!  I am positive that you could find the feathers if you really wanted to!  Gossip is a great way to judge others and build a sense of distrust, hurt and division – practice it often! 

2. [NO MERCY] – Never forgive anyone for anything.  Harbor bitterness in your heart and let it grow.  Daydream about how nice it would be to pay back the person that wronged you with some kind of vindictive response.  Never initiate a conversation with a person that hurt you – in fact, avoid them at all costs.  Keep a list of all the people that have ever harmed you in any way and refer back to it often so you never lose track of all the people you need to be mad at.  Just because Jesus forgave you doesn’t mean that you need to forgive anyone else! 

1. AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO DESTROY CHURCH GROWTH IS… [WHATEVER] –  Work hard at developing spiritual apathy – don’t care about anything that God cares about.  Fall asleep in church and then tell people how good the sleep was.  Tell your pastor that you never remember what he preaches.  Forsake any kind of daily devotional life.  Pray only when your life is in danger or when you really want something for yourself.  Become hard-hearted and insensitive to truth.  A “Whatever” attitude is the very best way to destroy church growth because God has chosen people to accomplish his work and if we don’t care then church growth will be impossible.

Mixed Nuts

Mixed nuts are supposed to be an opportunity for the consumer to enjoy a potpourri of flavor and nutrition given in a variety of nuts; however, for me the prospect of mixed nuts only means a scavenger hunt for the cashews.  I will finger through the pile until I find the nut that I am looking for – the rest of the nuts are simply garnish!  There is no rule against it, so I do it without apology.  I am allowed to be picky about the food I eat or don’t eat.  When it comes to the application of truth found in the pages of the Bible though I am not allowed such a liberty; and yet that is exactly what I find myself wanting to do.  I want to pick through all the “nuts” that are not so appealing and grab onto the ones that seem more suitable to my palate.  When I read Philippians 3:10 – “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.”  Well I am all for knowing Jesus.  I mean who wouldn’t want to know Jesus?  He is the smartest man that ever lived…God in flesh…he loved me all the way to the cross…he gives me life and forgiveness of sins.  Yes, I want to know Jesus Christ.  And I want to know the power of his resurrection.  I am a man so the desire for POWER has been built into my DNA!  The very thought that I could know the same kind of power that conquered death, hell and sin is fascinating and very attractive to me.  But then I come to the part where Paul says that we should want to know the fellowship of Christ’s sufferings.  I’ve got to be honest with you – I’d just as soon skip over that part.  When I read through the pages of the Bible I see that Jesus was misunderstood, misrepresented, mistreated, and murdered – that is some serious suffering.  My natural inclination is to avoid suffering of any kind so while I am quick to embrace knowing Jesus and his power I want to leave the suffering “in the bowl” with the other things I want to avoid.  However, when I get in the habit of picking and choosing from the Bible I end up robbing myself of God’s heart for me and the blessings that he wants for me.  Suffering will never be fun, but it is often through suffering that we grow the most and demonstrate the magnificence of God the best.  Suffering refines me and helps me depend upon the Lord in greater ways.  I will never be excited about suffering – that would be morbid; but if God leads me to suffering then I want to embrace it knowing that his grace will always be sufficient for me and that his strength will be perfected in my life.  Submitting to all the truth of the Bible will keep us under the spout were the blessings come out.  So today if you don’t like walnuts thumb them aside; but let’s determine to give ourselves completely to God without any exceptions.

A Blessing in the Thorn

Philips, Craig and Dean sing a song entitle “The Blessing in the Thorn.”  It is a song that has peaked my interest because of God’s promise that he can work all things together for good to them that love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).  But let’s be honest, when we are in the middle of a crisis, trial or struggle we don’t feel like there can ever be any blessing in thorn.  In fact, usually the only thing that I am thinking about is how I can get out of the circumstance that is causing me so much grief as quickly as possible.  The last thing on my mind is how God can be using this tough moment to shape me and bring him glory.  I don’t mind it so much when he wants to do that in someone else’s life, but when he does it to me it seems unfair and even mean.  But God is not mean and he is anything but unfair.  So how can I better respond in moments like these – because I don’t think they are going to stop any time soon?  First, I know I need to have better perspective.  Proverbs 3:5 tells me to trust in the Lord with all my heart – which is pretty easy when everything is going really well in my life, but not so easy when the bottom drops out.  Trust in God is about perspective – how do I view my life?  Do I view it as something I own or something God owns?  Of course the latter must be true, but again NOT easy.  When I view my life as something God owns and I also remember that he only wants to make me into something great and will do that even through pain – that gives me perspective.  It may not diminish the pain, but it will help me to make it through the pain because I know that I am never alone.  Secondly, I need to remember that I live in a broken world.  I don’t know if you have recognized it or not, but this globe we live on has a serious wobble in it!  God allows me to go through painful moments not only to shape me, but also to show others his greatness through me; and his greatness never shines more brightly than when I shine in the midst of pain.  Thirdly, I know that I have to let go of my selfishness.  I have always been a dreamer – it helped me get through those boring English lectures in school (sorry English teachers) – but it also means that I have always had a predetermined idea of what my life should look like.  The problem is my idea of my life and God’s idea of my life don’t always match.  In that moment, I always feel like I have the right to convince God that I am right and he is wrong – don’t ask me how that usually goes.  I like the path of least resistance and God doesn’t always have that in mind for me.  God has the right path chosen for me but I have to let go of my selfishness in order to embrace it.  I know that I have a lot more to learn in this area of my life, and that is why I am so glad that God is patient and tender – I need both.  In this world we are going to have trouble, it is a fact; how we deal with it makes all the difference in the world.  I will either get better or get bitter through it all.  I want to get better…how bout you?